At work, we all have times when we get frustrated by what’s going on around us. Our frustrations and concerns can negatively impact our workplace satisfaction and productivity.
Take Harry, for example. Harry is a leader I coach. He manages a six-person team.
Harry is struggling these days. He has three key concerns that have been coming up in our coaching conversations:
These concerns are causing frustration and unhappiness for Harry. They’re valid concerns, yet as concerns, they’re keeping Harry stuck. He’s feeling like a victim.
But there is a way out....
A simple, classic model about human experience can help in situations like these. The model involves three concentric circles. Like this:
The next circle is your circle of influence. This is where you have the ability or opportunity to influence your concerns in some way. The circle of influence always involves other people – how we relate, persuade, communicate, negotiate.
The inner circle is your circle of control. This involves the actions, behaviors and choices that are directly within your control. These include what you say, do and think.
When I encounter coaching clients who are struggling with a situation at work, the struggle is nearly always about something outside of themselves – in their circle of concern.
The problem is this: When we focus too much of our mental and emotional energy on our concerns, we disempower ourselves. A focus on concerns becomes a focus outside of ourselves, rather than a focus on what we can influence and control.
If we let it, our circle of concern becomes an easy trap. And that trap leads to complaining, lamenting, suffering. We get emotionally overwrought. We start venting to others. We feel victimized.
There’s no power there. It’s like complaining about the weather.
One fact of organizational life is this: You won’t always be happy with the actions and decisions happening around you.
In Marshall Goldsmith’s book, Triggers, he mentions a quote from Peter Drucker that Goldsmith says changed his life:
“Every decision in the world is made by the person who has the power to make the decision. Make peace with that.” – Peter Drucker
The more we accept this reality, the easier it is to stop wasting time and energy in the circle of concern.
I’m not saying you should simply throw up your hands and resign yourself to every ebb and flow around you. You are free to have concerns – we all do. Actions and decisions outside of us often impact us.
Just don’t wallow there.
Take note of your concern. Be aware of your frustration. Then...
The real answers to change lie within the two inner circles. No matter the situation, you always have the power of your influence and the power of your control.
Consider your concern (that thing outside yourself that’s bothering you) and ask yourself influence questions, like these (and write down your answers):
Careful here: I’m not talking about complaining to people around the water cooler who can’t help. I’m talking about creatively and constructively connecting with decision-makers or people with insights and perspectives who can help you understand the situation better...or who might even be influenced by you to consider another way.
Next, ask yourself control questions (and write down your answers):
It’s said that “knowledge is power.” I don’t agree. Action is power.
With the answers that come to you from the questions above, decide what you’re going to do, then act.
For Harry, his shift away from his circle of concern and into his circles of influence and control led him to these actions:
Was it a perfect plan? No. In the end, Harry didn’t get everything he wanted. Our actions won’t always get us what we want, fully satisfy us, or completely re-energize our happiness.
But lamenting over our concerns about our environment won’t either. So, when you have a concern about something “out there,” why not take control where you can and try your best to move the needle?
Examine your circle of influence and circle of control. Then do something constructive.
The only other option you have is to keep complaining about the weather.